I drank to numb my sense of lack. There is a spiritual solution.

I was Queen of More

The ache in my solar plexus is as familiar to me as the back of my hand.

In Boulder, where I live, we believe that’s where our 3rd chakra lives. You know, the energy center in the body where our sense of personal power lies.

When I imagined what that place in my body looked like, it appeared as a black hole. Vast, never-ending and dark.

To fill it I exerted even more.

I chased achievement.

I prided myself on how much I got done.

I earned more and more money.

Lack still ran the show for me.

I operated under the belief that if you thought I was impressive or even okay, maybe I would start to believe it, too.

I also needed and endless supply of more. I imagine myself like the Queen of Hearts imperiously ordering “MORE!”

I needed more:

Money

Attention

Accomplishments

Booze

Drinking numbed my awareness of the ever-present ache of lack in my gut.

And starting to drink flipped a switch in me where I had an insatiable desire to drink more.